I wonder how it feels like to be my parents.

The eldest daughter - smart but lazy, basically a failure. She doesn't want to disappoint them and so she pushes them away, and shuts herself away from them. But when all hell breaks lose, they don't know she's the one that regrets all her actions and even wishes she weren't born.

I regret everything I've ever done.

Define "to live life with no regrets".

I regret everything.

I don't tell my parents anything. Why? Because when I do, they'd use it to mock me.

"Don't let history repeat itself, your IGCSE's were horrible"

"Freedom? We gave you too much freedom!"


I'm trying to change myself. But it doesn't help if you're treating me like a 5 year old. I know the IB is no joke, and I'm trying. I'm so angry at myself. I need to bite something and claw something. The frustration.


Failure of life

What's the point of anything when no one believes in you anymore.

Of getting good grades and being a good student.

I cannot seem to think of a proper, cohesive way to voice out my anger and frustration right now.

Just when I think things are starting to get better in school, they just have to bring me down again.



BOOM POW SPLAT AMELIA YOU'RE A FUCKING HORRIBLE STUDENT AND WE ALL HATE YOU AND YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR LSE AND YOU SHOULD JUST GO APPLY FOR A UNIVERSITY OF YOUR STANDARD.

Just when you think things at school are getting better, things get shit again.

#frustrated
#hopeless

Coffee

Sitting in Coffee Bean with Ciara, Vicky and Vishnu.

Frustrated.

Everyone can write so well.

I'm just a lost buoy floating in the middle of the ocean.

I should learn from King Sejong, and start writing out my own language.