我并不想要骄傲，我只是向来都很内向。
往往认识新的人时，我都会比较冷淡，因为我就是不容易对人比较热情。
要开始认识我也相当难，因为我会保持一定的距离。
因为如此，我向来朋友不多。现在有的也只是那几个比较亲的朋友。 数来数去也只有五个左右。
对于我的朋友我都会比较热情，非常疯狂。当我觉得我们蛮亲时，我也会先跟你讲话，也会比较缠你。对于我不大熟悉的人，我会保持风度。我自尊心很强。
有些人根本就不懂珍惜我的亲切，把它当成是费的。
算了吧。也许你根本就不值得。再也不会主动先跟你讲话了。
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Sunday, 14 July 2013
D, but not the fun kind.
I like to evade reality. If I don't like facing something, be it a text message or a message of any sort, I just won't open it till my curiousity overpowers my fear, and I eventually read it.
This is one of those instances.
Well to be fair, most things that involve this person make me a bit scared.
Let's give this person a name, shall we? Perhaps an initial. D. Let's call this person D.
For a variety of reasons. Your perverted minds have probably concluded that D is for Dick. Whatever floats your boat. Heh.
Darling, Dear, Domination, Determination, Dedication.
Dickhead, Dipshit, Delusional, Destructive, Damaged.
Yeah, D is a suitable enough initial.
I have so much to write and say, but I really don't know where or how to start. hahahahaha
In a nutshell, I've put in A LOT. But D doesn't seem to realise it, or the way D seems so nonchalant about everything I've done. D is selfish. Doesn't think or realise how I may feel about things.
Do you even care?
It's always a rollercoaster when it comes to you.
I'm tired. Why do you have to do this to me, seriously.
This is one of those instances.
Well to be fair, most things that involve this person make me a bit scared.
Let's give this person a name, shall we? Perhaps an initial. D. Let's call this person D.
For a variety of reasons. Your perverted minds have probably concluded that D is for Dick. Whatever floats your boat. Heh.
Darling, Dear, Domination, Determination, Dedication.
Dickhead, Dipshit, Delusional, Destructive, Damaged.
Yeah, D is a suitable enough initial.
I have so much to write and say, but I really don't know where or how to start. hahahahaha
In a nutshell, I've put in A LOT. But D doesn't seem to realise it, or the way D seems so nonchalant about everything I've done. D is selfish. Doesn't think or realise how I may feel about things.
Do you even care?
It's always a rollercoaster when it comes to you.
I'm tired. Why do you have to do this to me, seriously.
Saturday, 18 May 2013
I wonder how it feels like to be my parents.
The eldest daughter - smart but lazy, basically a failure. She doesn't want to disappoint them and so she pushes them away, and shuts herself away from them. But when all hell breaks lose, they don't know she's the one that regrets all her actions and even wishes she weren't born.
I regret everything I've ever done.
Define "to live life with no regrets".
I regret everything.
I don't tell my parents anything. Why? Because when I do, they'd use it to mock me.
"Don't let history repeat itself, your IGCSE's were horrible"
"Freedom? We gave you too much freedom!"
I'm trying to change myself. But it doesn't help if you're treating me like a 5 year old. I know the IB is no joke, and I'm trying. I'm so angry at myself. I need to bite something and claw something. The frustration.
Failure of life
What's the point of anything when no one believes in you anymore.
The eldest daughter - smart but lazy, basically a failure. She doesn't want to disappoint them and so she pushes them away, and shuts herself away from them. But when all hell breaks lose, they don't know she's the one that regrets all her actions and even wishes she weren't born.
I regret everything I've ever done.
Define "to live life with no regrets".
I regret everything.
I don't tell my parents anything. Why? Because when I do, they'd use it to mock me.
"Don't let history repeat itself, your IGCSE's were horrible"
"Freedom? We gave you too much freedom!"
I'm trying to change myself. But it doesn't help if you're treating me like a 5 year old. I know the IB is no joke, and I'm trying. I'm so angry at myself. I need to bite something and claw something. The frustration.
Failure of life
What's the point of anything when no one believes in you anymore.
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Of getting good grades and being a good student.
I cannot seem to think of a proper, cohesive way to voice out my anger and frustration right now.
Just when I think things are starting to get better in school, they just have to bring me down again.
BOOM POW SPLAT AMELIA YOU'RE A FUCKING HORRIBLE STUDENT AND WE ALL HATE YOU AND YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR LSE AND YOU SHOULD JUST GO APPLY FOR A UNIVERSITY OF YOUR STANDARD.
Just when I think things are starting to get better in school, they just have to bring me down again.
BOOM POW SPLAT AMELIA YOU'RE A FUCKING HORRIBLE STUDENT AND WE ALL HATE YOU AND YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR LSE AND YOU SHOULD JUST GO APPLY FOR A UNIVERSITY OF YOUR STANDARD.
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
Coffee
Sitting in Coffee Bean with Ciara, Vicky and Vishnu.
Frustrated.
Everyone can write so well.
I'm just a lost buoy floating in the middle of the ocean.
I should learn from King Sejong, and start writing out my own language.
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
You're not good enough
That's what they said, but in other words.
"We're all very worried about you."
Hey ho, I'm worried about myself too.
"What's going on?"
I don't know, I'm just counting my days.
"Stop being so miserable."
Well if misery had a cure, feed me. I don't like pretending.
"Life is difficult, buck up and face it."
I'm trying.
"Your expectations of yourself are too high."
You're too high.
"This could cost you your diploma."
I'd rather fail than move down.
"They don't accept many people."
They still do accept people, don't they?
I swear, by the end of my diploma, I'd be as fat as the moon.
I eat when I'm sad.
That's a lie.
I eat anyway.
I just eat more when I'm sad and stressed.
I'm sad.
And stressed.
Help.
You said you would.
You all said you would.
Liars.
"We're all very worried about you."
Hey ho, I'm worried about myself too.
"What's going on?"
I don't know, I'm just counting my days.
"Stop being so miserable."
Well if misery had a cure, feed me. I don't like pretending.
"Life is difficult, buck up and face it."
I'm trying.
"Your expectations of yourself are too high."
You're too high.
"This could cost you your diploma."
I'd rather fail than move down.
"They don't accept many people."
They still do accept people, don't they?
I swear, by the end of my diploma, I'd be as fat as the moon.
I eat when I'm sad.
That's a lie.
I eat anyway.
I just eat more when I'm sad and stressed.
I'm sad.
And stressed.
Help.
You said you would.
You all said you would.
Liars.
Sing me to sleep
I'm angry.
Angry at myself. Angry at my family. Angry at the world.
First off, I've told you to stand by me no matter what happens. Oh yes, when you're away you say yes, you are nice and all. You say you'll help me get through whatever phase I'm going through. But once you come home, all hell breaks loose. You scrutinise me for every little mistake you notice I make. You keep it all inside, until a day before you leave again, you lash out at me for every little thing I do that wasn't up to your expectations or wasn't what you thought of me. How do you think I feel? I feel bad enough already that my mum has to go outstation to work 4 out of the 7 days a week. Yes sometimes I do miss you, but at times like this, I don't. Don't get me wrong, I do love you, but I hate this way of yours.
I love my family, yes that is undeniable. But sometimes I want them to just pipe down. I shudder at the thought of me leaving home in about a year, to a place where I'm far away from home. Well no, I don't shudder. I'm excited. I'm excited to leave home, to finally not have to face the endless nags and mood swings from the ladies. To not have to face the wrath that is my father. The only thing I don't want to leave is my grandpa. He's the one I hold the most dear to me, and I cannot imagine my life without him.
What just happened? Well, it's 1am now. Just past midnight. It is now Tuesday, the 23rd of April.
My mum just came in and started throwing a calm fit at me. The kind where every word she spits out is lethal venom, yet her physical stance remains calm, with occasional raised syllables and emotion. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. All my life I've never wanted to disappoint you. Sure, I've made some bad choices in life, but I never wanted you to go out of your way to make me happy. Instead, I choose to go out of my way to make you happy. Why? Because you're my mother and I love you. I don't see you often, which adds to why I strive to make you happy. I cannot manage Adelynn's behaviour, I apologise. I sincerely apologise. But perhaps bringing that human being that is my biological younger sister for a ADHD checkup would be much more appropriate than lashing out at me, saying that I'm a lousy sister. I admit, I don't have the best patience when it comes to her. Why? Because I know she is much smarter than what she portrays herself to be, yet she acts in this childish manner to gain my attention. I strongly dislike this. I hate people who act obnoxiously just to gain attention. And to my horror, this is exactly what Adelynn is when I'm around. Around you mum, she just acts all cutesy and feigns innocence. I cannot stand it. Absolutely ridiculous.
Dad. Where do I even begin. You treat your niece more like a daughter than you treat your own biological daughter. Oh I'm sorry, am I being an ungrateful brat for saying something like this? Well, no. You talk to your niece more than you talk to me. Do you even talk to me? You tune me out EVERY SINGLE TIME I try to talk to you. Come on, even Adelynn notices this. What am I to you? Yes, you pay a lot of money for my education. But besides that, you blame every negative thing you can on me, as though I'm the black sheep of the family. Seeing you be playful and tolerant towards Adelynn's antics makes my blood boil in anger. Daddy issues? Is this a case of so called "Daddy Issues"? Perhaps it is. But more than that, this is a daughter trying to seek the approval of her father. In fact, that is EVERY daughter on this planet. Dads probably don't know this, but your words hurt much more. Whatever dad says to me, I get affected very easily. Granted I am an emotional person, and I do cry very easily. But a slightly neutral or a wee negative little comment from my dad will render me in tears. If my mum said the same thing, I probably would have retorted in anger. My dad will never realise this.
Science. Is science the way forward in life? Why do I have to pursue a future in Science when I know I wouldn't be happy? I have no interest, neither do I have the aptitude of doing Maths at a higher level. Oh excuse me, aren't you Asian? Oh yes I am Asian, but being Asian doesn't mean you have to be kick ass awesome at Mathematics right? I could excel in other things can't I? But oh wait, there is nothing else I excel in. I guess I should just retreat into my hole.
I don't know what I'm doing. At this point in my life, I cannot help but want to leave this home. I yearn for independence. But at the same time, I want to keep my family close enough to visit regularly but yet far enough to be a hassle to visit. This has been an angry rant written out in 5 minutes. I apologise for any spelling or gramatical mistakes as I am not reading through it. I am angry. It is nighttime. I cannot go to bed being angry.
Time for some good music and my Instagram feed.
Speaking about music, I would like to mention that I absolutely detest it when people make fun of Kpop. Sure, it is possibly an overrated genre, but it is also an oversimplified term. Please have some respect for people who like Kpop. I don't like Kpop. I like Korean music. Kpop is an overgeneralisation for Korean music that ignorant haters use to make themselves feel higher on some abstract musical hierarchy. Dipshits.
I try not to swear in my posts.
Good night.
Angry at myself. Angry at my family. Angry at the world.
First off, I've told you to stand by me no matter what happens. Oh yes, when you're away you say yes, you are nice and all. You say you'll help me get through whatever phase I'm going through. But once you come home, all hell breaks loose. You scrutinise me for every little mistake you notice I make. You keep it all inside, until a day before you leave again, you lash out at me for every little thing I do that wasn't up to your expectations or wasn't what you thought of me. How do you think I feel? I feel bad enough already that my mum has to go outstation to work 4 out of the 7 days a week. Yes sometimes I do miss you, but at times like this, I don't. Don't get me wrong, I do love you, but I hate this way of yours.
I love my family, yes that is undeniable. But sometimes I want them to just pipe down. I shudder at the thought of me leaving home in about a year, to a place where I'm far away from home. Well no, I don't shudder. I'm excited. I'm excited to leave home, to finally not have to face the endless nags and mood swings from the ladies. To not have to face the wrath that is my father. The only thing I don't want to leave is my grandpa. He's the one I hold the most dear to me, and I cannot imagine my life without him.
What just happened? Well, it's 1am now. Just past midnight. It is now Tuesday, the 23rd of April.
My mum just came in and started throwing a calm fit at me. The kind where every word she spits out is lethal venom, yet her physical stance remains calm, with occasional raised syllables and emotion. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. All my life I've never wanted to disappoint you. Sure, I've made some bad choices in life, but I never wanted you to go out of your way to make me happy. Instead, I choose to go out of my way to make you happy. Why? Because you're my mother and I love you. I don't see you often, which adds to why I strive to make you happy. I cannot manage Adelynn's behaviour, I apologise. I sincerely apologise. But perhaps bringing that human being that is my biological younger sister for a ADHD checkup would be much more appropriate than lashing out at me, saying that I'm a lousy sister. I admit, I don't have the best patience when it comes to her. Why? Because I know she is much smarter than what she portrays herself to be, yet she acts in this childish manner to gain my attention. I strongly dislike this. I hate people who act obnoxiously just to gain attention. And to my horror, this is exactly what Adelynn is when I'm around. Around you mum, she just acts all cutesy and feigns innocence. I cannot stand it. Absolutely ridiculous.
Dad. Where do I even begin. You treat your niece more like a daughter than you treat your own biological daughter. Oh I'm sorry, am I being an ungrateful brat for saying something like this? Well, no. You talk to your niece more than you talk to me. Do you even talk to me? You tune me out EVERY SINGLE TIME I try to talk to you. Come on, even Adelynn notices this. What am I to you? Yes, you pay a lot of money for my education. But besides that, you blame every negative thing you can on me, as though I'm the black sheep of the family. Seeing you be playful and tolerant towards Adelynn's antics makes my blood boil in anger. Daddy issues? Is this a case of so called "Daddy Issues"? Perhaps it is. But more than that, this is a daughter trying to seek the approval of her father. In fact, that is EVERY daughter on this planet. Dads probably don't know this, but your words hurt much more. Whatever dad says to me, I get affected very easily. Granted I am an emotional person, and I do cry very easily. But a slightly neutral or a wee negative little comment from my dad will render me in tears. If my mum said the same thing, I probably would have retorted in anger. My dad will never realise this.
Science. Is science the way forward in life? Why do I have to pursue a future in Science when I know I wouldn't be happy? I have no interest, neither do I have the aptitude of doing Maths at a higher level. Oh excuse me, aren't you Asian? Oh yes I am Asian, but being Asian doesn't mean you have to be kick ass awesome at Mathematics right? I could excel in other things can't I? But oh wait, there is nothing else I excel in. I guess I should just retreat into my hole.
I don't know what I'm doing. At this point in my life, I cannot help but want to leave this home. I yearn for independence. But at the same time, I want to keep my family close enough to visit regularly but yet far enough to be a hassle to visit. This has been an angry rant written out in 5 minutes. I apologise for any spelling or gramatical mistakes as I am not reading through it. I am angry. It is nighttime. I cannot go to bed being angry.
Time for some good music and my Instagram feed.
Speaking about music, I would like to mention that I absolutely detest it when people make fun of Kpop. Sure, it is possibly an overrated genre, but it is also an oversimplified term. Please have some respect for people who like Kpop. I don't like Kpop. I like Korean music. Kpop is an overgeneralisation for Korean music that ignorant haters use to make themselves feel higher on some abstract musical hierarchy. Dipshits.
I try not to swear in my posts.
Good night.
Monday, 25 March 2013
Chinese New Year + KL 2013
Warning: Picture Heavy Post!
This year's Chinese New Year was a tad bit different, in a good way!
Some of my relatives came back from Singapore, so it was much merrier than previous Chinese New Year's!
We had our annual reunion dinner a few days before the first day of CNY.
Other photos will be uploaded on Facebook in due course.
After dinner, I picked up Ciara and Preston, and we headed to Bora for some drinks (for them, I had to drive). Emma and Max came to meet us later. It was a good night, and I really enjoyed their company! Probably one of the best ones this year. :)
On the third day of CNY, my dad brought Ciara and I to watch PSY perform at Han Chiang. It was such an interesting experience, filled with attempted (Note: attempted) political propaganda. My secondary school BM tuition teacher was one of the hosts for the event.
It was scorching hot, and the sun gave me a horrible tan line. So I had this tan line + tan line from Sports Day last November that had yet to fade. (As of this moment, I have three tan lines, the third one came from FOBISSEA filming, which I will mention in another post.)
That same night, we had dinner on the mainland with my dad's side of the family. I spilled tea all over myself :'(
Fifth day of Chinese New Year, mum and dad brought Jeanne (my little niece), Adelynn, Ciara and I to Kek Lok Si Temple to visit. It was Jeanne and Ciara's first time. We also coincidentally met Nicole there - she was bringing her friends from New Zealand. It was pretty late by the time we got to the temple. We had dinner at All Seasons in Farlim, it's sort of a new F&B establishment. Whilst we were there, I bumped into Khailin and Joewen from my secondary school. (More like, they spotted me in Subway ;) ) We planned to go to the temple after dinner, but it started pouring. Like, pouring. Being the determined people we are, we waited for the rain to stop.
On Valentine's day itself, I went to 1st Avenue to take a peek at Ciara, who was working as an "ambassador" there, giving out roses to couples.
On the 15th of February, Ciara, James, Max and I went to KL for two nights. We met with Sunwoo there. Now, I would call this our YOLO KL trip, because honestly, it was crazy.
I'm uploading the decent photos here. Other photos will be uploaded in 5 years time (remind me).
It was crazy, and the story of what happened will also be revealed in 5 years time. Maybe 2. (remind me)
So that sums up my Chinese New Year for the year of the Snake! On that note, tata my wonderful readers! (I know you're reading, although ALL of you remain silent and NEVER comment nor leave messages in the Chatbox :( please do let me know if you read my blog, it means a lot to me!)
Leaving you guys with a trail of kisses and hugs, because I'm in a good mood.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
This year's Chinese New Year was a tad bit different, in a good way!
Mum's makeshift Yee Sang because she couldn't find a bigger plate (She could, she was just lazy to wash it :P )
We had our annual reunion dinner a few days before the first day of CNY.
My uncle and I <3
Other photos will be uploaded on Facebook in due course.
After dinner, I picked up Ciara and Preston, and we headed to Bora for some drinks (for them, I had to drive). Emma and Max came to meet us later. It was a good night, and I really enjoyed their company! Probably one of the best ones this year. :)
On the third day of CNY, my dad brought Ciara and I to watch PSY perform at Han Chiang. It was such an interesting experience, filled with attempted (Note: attempted) political propaganda. My secondary school BM tuition teacher was one of the hosts for the event.
It was scorching hot, and the sun gave me a horrible tan line. So I had this tan line + tan line from Sports Day last November that had yet to fade. (As of this moment, I have three tan lines, the third one came from FOBISSEA filming, which I will mention in another post.)
That same night, we had dinner on the mainland with my dad's side of the family. I spilled tea all over myself :'(
My cousin and I :)
Fifth day of Chinese New Year, mum and dad brought Jeanne (my little niece), Adelynn, Ciara and I to Kek Lok Si Temple to visit. It was Jeanne and Ciara's first time. We also coincidentally met Nicole there - she was bringing her friends from New Zealand. It was pretty late by the time we got to the temple. We had dinner at All Seasons in Farlim, it's sort of a new F&B establishment. Whilst we were there, I bumped into Khailin and Joewen from my secondary school. (More like, they spotted me in Subway ;) ) We planned to go to the temple after dinner, but it started pouring. Like, pouring. Being the determined people we are, we waited for the rain to stop.
On Valentine's day itself, I went to 1st Avenue to take a peek at Ciara, who was working as an "ambassador" there, giving out roses to couples.
On the 15th of February, Ciara, James, Max and I went to KL for two nights. We met with Sunwoo there. Now, I would call this our YOLO KL trip, because honestly, it was crazy.
Shittiest, most expensive manicure ever.
We went to the theme park at Berjaya Times Square on the second day, and this happened on the Bumper Cars. :(
The next day:
(Yes, I was reading on Freud. Sue me.)
5 packs of Shin Ramen and 1 carton of eggs later...
It was crazy, and the story of what happened will also be revealed in 5 years time. Maybe 2. (remind me)
So that sums up my Chinese New Year for the year of the Snake! On that note, tata my wonderful readers! (I know you're reading, although ALL of you remain silent and NEVER comment nor leave messages in the Chatbox :( please do let me know if you read my blog, it means a lot to me!)
Leaving you guys with a trail of kisses and hugs, because I'm in a good mood.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Monday, 25 February 2013
Reality
You wouldn't think that things like this would happen in real life.
Emma left yesterday. To Seoul. For two months. With Max.
It feels so surreal, fairytale like even. Where the Prince saves the Princess, and tells the Princess to leave everything in his hands.
Watching them together makes me believe in "love" again. The way he's still shy around her, and how he makes her smile so brightly. It's perfect. It's wonderful.
When she first told Ciara and I about it, we weren't very happy. Mainly because of the scope of the risk she's taking. But after an intense and emotional discussion with her, we realised that it was for the best, and we were even more excited than she was.
Two days before she left, we even brought her for Korean food.
I lent her all my Korean books, even my Korean dictionary. There are these two books in particular, called "Making Out in Korean", (which I believe Lara would remember ;) ) that was full of colloquial Korean phrases, which Emma liked a lot. We were pretty much sitting at McDonald's at the airport, embarrassing Max to the max (pun intended).
Anyway, Emma and Max should have just arrived in Seoul by now. Those crazy kids had to spend a night at KLIA last night.
All the best in Seoul, papa bear. I shall e-mail you my list of lovers that I NEED you to help me stalk and kidnap and bring home. ♥
Emma left yesterday. To Seoul. For two months. With Max.
It feels so surreal, fairytale like even. Where the Prince saves the Princess, and tells the Princess to leave everything in his hands.
Watching them together makes me believe in "love" again. The way he's still shy around her, and how he makes her smile so brightly. It's perfect. It's wonderful.
When she first told Ciara and I about it, we weren't very happy. Mainly because of the scope of the risk she's taking. But after an intense and emotional discussion with her, we realised that it was for the best, and we were even more excited than she was.
Two days before she left, we even brought her for Korean food.
I lent her all my Korean books, even my Korean dictionary. There are these two books in particular, called "Making Out in Korean", (which I believe Lara would remember ;) ) that was full of colloquial Korean phrases, which Emma liked a lot. We were pretty much sitting at McDonald's at the airport, embarrassing Max to the max (pun intended).
Anyway, Emma and Max should have just arrived in Seoul by now. Those crazy kids had to spend a night at KLIA last night.
All the best in Seoul, papa bear. I shall e-mail you my list of lovers that I NEED you to help me stalk and kidnap and bring home. ♥
Sunday, 24 February 2013
나 . 좀 . 봐 .
It's always about one of them beautiful mixed babies. Always.
Don't talk to me, if all you want to talk about or get to know is them.
Don't get me wrong. They are my best friends. I do love them. But. I'm not a fucking gateway.
Thursday, 21 February 2013
Dreaming
I just woke up from a short nap, and I dreamt of something very graphic that I don't think I'd be able to get out of my head soon.
I've always been a dreamer, if that's what they call it. Last year, or the year before, I dreamt almost every night, say 5 nights a week. It got pretty severe, to the point where every morning Richie would ask me "What did you dream of last night?". I've also always had a very peculiar sleeping schedule. Last year when I had the frequent dreams, I woke up almost every hour each night. And everytime I slept after waking up, I would be dreaming about something new.
The meanings of dreams have always fascinated me. It's like this unknown window of your sub-conscious mind that you try to reach out to, but it is always a step further away for you to catch or to comprehend.
Anyway, I know I haven't been posting lately, and my previous post was very emotional. But as I said in my first post (I think I did...), I want this blog to be an accurate and shameless journal of my teenage life. I have many posts laying on Blogger as drafts waiting to be expanded on or have photos added to. School has been very busy lately, and I promise to update once I have the time to. :)
In dreamland:
I was on Facebook, scrolling down my News Feed, when I saw a sudden influx of new posts from many people talking about this young girl (no more than 7 years old) who committed suicide by hanging herself at her kampung. There was a picture that came with the posts, but I chose not to look at it because, honestly, why would I? It IS a photo of a girl being hung.
I then suddenly find myself AT the kampung, with the Starbuck drink that I bought after school today - a Venti sized Iced Cappuccino Triple Shot WITH WHIPPED CREAM. I stress on WITH WHIPPED CREAM because I NEVER drink my Starbucks / Coffee Bean drinks with whipped cream (I'm actually still sipping on it as I type). Anyway, the head of the kampung is giving my family (mum, dad, grandma, grandpa, Adelynn) a walkthrough of the kampung, saying that many families had visited the kampung after hearing about the news. So as we walk through the kampung, the head tells us that the site where the girl had hung herself was approaching. Turns out she had hung herself on a wooden arch that was situated right outside the kampung which was meant to welcome people to the kampung. Now, because of the incident, everyone enters the kampung through it's back entrance.
So as we approach the wooden arch, there is a freaking wooden model of the girl hanging from the arch. Like, wtf. She had short hair, very much like the ones you see little Standard One girls have on the first day of school. The statue reminded me a lot of the statues of Jesus that are outside St. Anne's Church in Bukit Mertajam. Expectedly, I felt reluctant to see the statue from the front. I held hands with my mum, and walked over to the front of the arch to see it. I should probably mention that we were somehow not allowed to look at the statue frontally. From the arch, we had to walk on a suspended bridge (more like a few planks tied together with rope) that was about 1m in length (so barely 3 steps) to get to this little pavilion that was only about 1m² in size.
Then came the moment: turning around to look at the statue. Her head was facing the ground, but her tongue and esophagus were hanging out, ang it was about 30cm in length. The head of the kampung said something about her tongue falling out of her mouth because of the pressure of the rope against her neck, which was what that was holding her up. To paint a better picture of the little girl, think Dora the Explorer in terms of hair, skintone, and physique. It was a pretty gruesome image. The head then said that the body of the girl was hung up for five days, before it eventually fell to the ground, and that's when it received media attention.
Then I woke up.I woke up shaking. Plus, I was home alone, so I was petrified. I didn't dare to do anything for the next 5 minutes. If you know me well in person, you would know that I have a horrible phobia of statues and masks.
This photo is of the statues at St Anne's that I was talking about
The arch looked somewhat like that, but bigger (about 2m) and made of teak (hence a dark brown colour). And on the top of it was a signboard welcoming people to the kampung.
I've always been a dreamer, if that's what they call it. Last year, or the year before, I dreamt almost every night, say 5 nights a week. It got pretty severe, to the point where every morning Richie would ask me "What did you dream of last night?". I've also always had a very peculiar sleeping schedule. Last year when I had the frequent dreams, I woke up almost every hour each night. And everytime I slept after waking up, I would be dreaming about something new.
The meanings of dreams have always fascinated me. It's like this unknown window of your sub-conscious mind that you try to reach out to, but it is always a step further away for you to catch or to comprehend.
Anyway, I know I haven't been posting lately, and my previous post was very emotional. But as I said in my first post (I think I did...), I want this blog to be an accurate and shameless journal of my teenage life. I have many posts laying on Blogger as drafts waiting to be expanded on or have photos added to. School has been very busy lately, and I promise to update once I have the time to. :)
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